Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Seeking Sanctuary

I am feeling so drained today – physically, mentally, and emotionally; spiritually I’m doing okay. It is just one of those days; it’s not like everything is going wrong, but more so that things just aren’t going right and are taking more energy than usual. I wouldn’t call myself a loner, but I do require a large amount of time alone, which normally isn’t too difficult to come by as long as I count time with my cat as me-time. I find time spent by myself allows me to regenerate emotionally the same way sleep rejuvenates physically and mentally and I truly cherish these moments. During school it is hard to find enough time for myself as I attend my full load of classes, and work 20 hours a week, and meet up with friends for lunch, and do my homework, and spend time with my boyfriend, and play cards on game night and attend physical therapy as I recover from knee surgery. Each of these things is important to me, or necessary to do, and I enjoy the time I am spend with my friends. However, as with every other aspect of life, balance is also essential to avoid a burnout.

After class yesterday I returned to my hometown for physical therapy and some time with my family, then came back this morning to go to class. Besides being slightly sleep deprived, this meant I have felt busy for far too long and I am in desperate need of going home to my Neko and warm bed. Whether I choose to take a nap or curl up with a book or simply just lay down for a little while is not the issue for me, but rather just returning to the sanctuary of my home.

For some people their house is a place to keep their things and to sleep at night; for me it is so much more. I strive to make my apartment a place I want to be through the furniture I choose, the objects I keep in it, the art I hang on the walls, and the things I do inside. Because I have created this refuge, I almost refuse to homework at home. My productivity reaches optimum levels at a café or library, and who am I to defy my nature? Another reason I have made this decision is my cat because he loves attention, but also demands it. If I am home he should be in my lap. If I’m playing my keyboard he crawls up my legs to fit underneath it or just lies on my shoulders. If I’m in the bathtub he is perched on the edge batting at the bubbles. If I’m reading in bed he lays on top of my book. My insecure and needy cat does not want me to do things without him and indeed hinders my attempts to do so (I will try not to ramble on about my cat because I realize his stories are only interesting to myself, but I love him and he is bound to seep in sometimes).This combined with my desire to make my home a place I want to be, and thus not associated with unfavorable goings-on such as homework. My home is an arena for music, cats, cooking, reading, crocheting, and sleep and that is why I love it.

Besides finding peace at my house, I am also looking for new churches to try. I am looking for a church with a liberal outlook and contemporary music with perhaps the opportunity to join their choir. If anyone has any suggestions in the Minneapolis area let me know!

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